Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce

Frequently Asked Questions:  

1. What is the difference between divorce and legal separation?

2. How long does it take to get divorced?

3. How much will it cost?

4. Do I need a lawyer?

5. Should I mediate?

6. Can I get alimony?

7. Do we have to split all of our property 50/50?

8. How much child support will I get/pay?

9. Can we change the Parenting Plan if it’s not working out?

10. What if I want to look up the divorce laws myself or do it myself without a lawyer?  

11. If we just live together for a long time, will we have a common law marriage?

The length of time can depend on how complex your legal divorce is (Do you have serious parenting disputes or a lot of assets, for example?); whether lawyers have gotten involved who are particularly litigious; whether one of you is just not ready to let go, so the process gets drawn out or whether the two of you are really angry at each other or just can’t come to an agreement and the case will have to go to trial in order to get a final resolution.  If you do go to trial, it depends on what county in Washington you live.  In King County, it takes a bit over a year to get to trial once you file you Petition.  In other, less populous, counties in Washington it will probably take less time.

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Well, of course, some of the prior answer applies here as well.  The more you fight, the more it will cost.  Family law trials are extremely expensive.  Not only will you be paying for the lawyers’ time, but you will also have to hire expert witnesses to provide guidance to the judge in areas like asset valuation and parenting.  Experienced family lawyers charge as little as $150 per hour and as much as $350 per hour in the Puget Sound, with most practitioners falling in the $175-$225 per hour range.  Most attorneys will generally ask for an advance fee deposit that they will put in their trust account and draw upon once they have billed you for the time spent.  These advance fee deposits can run from $1500 to $5000 or more depending on the complexity of the case and the intensity of the conflict.

People can end their marriages with a lawyer’s help for as little as $750 and as much as $50,000 or more.  It is not unheard of for a divorce to cost the marital community many hundreds of thousands of dollars.

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Because you are adjusting the legal rights between you and your spouse and having orders entered in court which will impact your life for many years to come, it is always wise to get the advice of a lawyer, even if you choose to represent yourself.  Many lawyers will spend time advising and coaching you or even preparing papers reflecting the agreements which you have negotiated.  This is actually a new approach to legal assistance and it is called “unbundled services.”  The links on the Family Law page will be helpful if you want more information on this. 

Also, Washington law attempts to be very consumer friendly in this area, which is very “form driven.”  The Washington Courts web-site provides all the forms you will need, together will explanations.  A link to this web-site also follows.  Of course in circumstances where there is a real imbalance of power between the spouses; the marriage has been lengthy; there are serious disagreements over the children or there is a lot at stake economically you really should have legal representation. 

Remember that once the Decree is entered you can’t change it (with some limited exceptions) so you really want to consider whether you want to be penny wise and pound foolish by saving money on legal advise now only to find a couple of years down the road that you have a very disadvantageous deal that you cannot change.

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Mediation is a process in which people who have disagreements work to settle their dispute with the assistance of a trained, neutral,  third party.  Mediators do not impose anything on you, like a judge would. The advantage of mediation, then, is that you make the decisions on your future and if your spouse proposes a deal that you feel you just cannot accept....well, you don’t have to accept it. 

The value of a mediator is that he or she can help facilitate communication between you and your spouse so that you are less likely to get bogged down in defensiveness and anger.  A mediator who is experienced in family law can also help each of you decide whether your expectations are realistic.  (This is why a person who is trained as both a lawyer and mental health professional possess a unique combination of valuable skills for the mediator’s task - and I can recommend a good person with this kind of background.) 

You can mediate if you have a lawyer or if you don’t - but I always recommend that even if you are not represented by a lawyer that you have your agreement reviewed by a family law attorney to make sure that all of your concerns and questions can be answered by someone who you retain to advise you, only. 

The bottom line (literally) is that studies have demonstrated that in almost every circumstance, mediation saves divorce parties money and the emotional trauma of litigation.  However, as you might expect, mediation is not for everybody and in cases involving domestic violence or other significant power imbalances, for example, mediation is discouraged.

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Alimony is called spousal maintenance in Washington.  The amount of maintenance and its duration is entirely in the judge’s discretion to grant.  Washington law has some guidelines for a judge to consider which are: (1) The needs of the spouse seeking maintenance and the ability of the other spouse to pay; (2) The time necessary to enable the spouse seeking maintenance to find employment “appropriate to his/her skill, interests, style of life and other attendant circumstances;” (3) The duration of the marriage; (4) The age, physical and emotional condition and financial obligations of the spouse seeking maintenance.  The law clearly says that the judge has to consider these factors but cannot consider “marital misconduct.”  Again, an experienced family lawyer will be able to tell you how all of these factors are likely to apply in your own situation.

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Marital property, or community property, certainly can be divided 50/50, but there is nothing in Washington law that requires that property be split equally.  In fact, Washington is not a “pure” community property state.  While we do engage in the analysis of which assets and liabilities are community and which are separate, the judge is directed by the law to make a “just and equitable” distribution based on a number of factors, which include: (1) The nature and extent of the community property; (2) The nature and extent of the separate property; (3) The duration of the marriage and (4) The economic circumstances of each spouse at the time the division of property is to become effective.

In truth, there are so many factors that go into the property distribution analysis that unless your marriage has been of short duration, you have no kids and your assets and liabilities are quite limited, it is always a good idea to invest in a consultation with a lawyer to get a feeling for where you stand and how you should proceed.

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The amount of child support in Washington is determined by a pretty strict formula.  Unlike maintenance, child support is usually calculated by using a computer program.  Washington has a child support guideline which sets out a specific amount of support based upon each parent’s net income.  The law includes almost any income from any source to arrive at gross income and then deducts very little in arriving at net income for purposes of child support calculations (Federal and state income taxes; FICA or self employment taxes; Mandatory pension plan payments (or voluntary retirement payments of no more than $2,000/year); Mandatory union or professional dues; State industrial insurance premiums; Court-ordered spousal maintenance which is actually paid; Normal business expenses).

Once child support is set, the judge can “deviate” from that amount based on a handful of specifically identified factors that are set forth in the law.  A link to the Washington State Child Support Registry and other child support links are provided below.

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As a general principle it is very hard to change the residential portions of a Parenting Plan once it has been entered.  Washington public policy strongly supports stability in parenting arrangements so the law sets a high bar that has to be cleared before a parent can go into court and change the child’s residence.  Other, less significant portions of a Parenting Plan, like adjustments to visitation or other “tweaks” may be less difficult to achieve - but in any event the parent seeking a change has to demonstrate that there has been a significant change in circumstances that was not anticipated at the time the Parenting Plan was entered and that a change will be in the child’s best interests. 

Of course, as with every question, the result will depend upon your specific facts and circumstances.  There is no way to give black and white information in what is essentially an area of life with many shades of gray.  Again, as with every area of family law, there are nuances and much greater detail in the rules than can be set forth in a brief answer, so if you have serious concerns about how your Parenting Plan is working out, it is strongly recommended that you consult an experienced family lawyer.

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Washington Law supports people who want to manage their divorces themselves.  People who represent themselves in court are called pro se and there is plenty of pro se assistance in Washington and particularly in King County.  For example, the King County Bar Association gives seminars for people who want to pursue their own divorce and the Washington State Courts website has plenty of information for you. 

There is a fairly new movement in law called “unbundling legal services” in which attorneys act as advisers or “coaches” for people who want to take care of their own legal affairs themselves and/or can’t afford the full services of a lawyer.  You should inquire about the availability of this service with any lawyer you consult, if you want to try self-representation.

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